Stranded Page 16

  “I don’t know how,” he admitted, his tone heavy with sincerity.

  “Me either, but maybe we can figure it out together,” she nodded, holding her arms out to him. He pulled her into an embrace, allowing her to anchor his untethered soul. For the first time in a long time, he felt peace, acquitted by unconditional love.

  Chapter 19

  Joss pulled herself back from his embrace, wiping the tears off her face. Grant took the opportunity to do the same, although he was much more discreet. She smiled at him shyly, moved by his honesty. He earned the same from her.

  “I lost a baby. I was twenty-one,” she offered, her tone so subdued she wondered if he’d even heard her. She looked up to find him nodding, encouraging her to continue. She’d also not talked about it in years. It was a painful time in her life, the very worst.

  “I was in nursing school. It was my last year. I’d always been a good student, smart, driven, you know?” she paused, taking a deep breath. He offered her a weak smile to show he was listening.

  “I met a guy that year, Rob. He was an engineer student, also smart, but he liked to party. Typical friends to lovers story, he wanted more but I didn’t. I was focused on school and making my parents proud. To be honest, I didn’t want my mother coming down hard on me if my grades slipped, but he wore me down,” she continued, forcing herself to sift through her memories, to summon her courage. She owed it to Grant to be as brave as he was.

  “We were careful, did everything right. He wore condoms every time we made love, but shit happens, you know? I got pregnant.”

  “Wow...”

  “Yeah. If you knew my mother Mary, you’d understand how desperate I was. For weeks I stressed about it, terrified to tell anyone. I didn’t even tell Rob until I missed my second period. I was of two minds. Part of me really wanted to keep the baby, but I was so afraid. I wasn’t convinced I’d be a good mom yet. The other side of me just wanted to end it, terminate the pregnancy and not have to face the shame of being an unwed mother. Rob and I talked about it and he pushed for the abortion. He wasn’t ready to be a dad either.”

  “Was he at least good to you? Kind?” Grant asked sincerely, gently taking her hand.

  “I guess he was as good as could be expected. I’m not sure he was mature enough to handle the complexity of the situation. I was also a mess, emotionally. I think it scared the shit out of him,” she reasoned. “He avoided me mostly.”

  “Hmm, not cool, but okay...”

  “We set an appointment to terminate. I bounced between extreme guilt and relief, between wanting it to be over but hating myself for thinking that way. I’m not sure if I would have gone through with it, to be honest. But then I got sick...”

  “Sick?” he interrupted, gripped by her story.

  “I got violently ill. I was in so much pain I honestly thought I was dying. I tried to get ahold of Rob, and my roommate Hannah, but they were both at a football game. I ended up calling an ambulance and was rushed to emergency. By the time I got there I was bleeding pretty badly.”

  “What happened?”

  “I had an ectopic pregnancy. The baby was growing inside my right fallopian tube and it had ruptured,” she sighed, holding back her tears.

  Grant raised his brows and whistled, “Whoa, that’s intense.”

  “It was. The doctor rushed me into surgery before I could even comprehend what was happening.” she choked. “It was scary and confusing. No one really explained to me what was happening. They just shoved the medical release form into my hands and insisted I sign it. I wanted to ask questions, to know more about the procedure, and what the risks were, but the nurse insisted I not waste any time. In retrospect I felt bullied, but I was in too much pain to argue about it, so I signed it, and a few minutes later they put me under.”

  “Jesus, Joss, that must have been awful.”

  She looked up at him and nodded. It had taken her a long time to shake the experience, suffering from depression and anxiety. When she had time to process everything, she was certain she’d been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, but it had been grossly misdiagnosed.

  “Yeah. Of course I lost my baby. I felt so much shame about that. I’d convinced myself that it was my fault, that I somehow willed it to happen by even considering the abortion,” she confided, her tone rich with remorse. “When I woke from the surgery, Hannah was there. She told me my parents were on their way. When I asked her why she called them she explained that I’d almost died. Apparently there were complications during the surgery. They had to do a partial hysterectomy...” she sobbed, unable to hold back any longer. “I won’t ever have children.”

  “Oh Joss, I’m so sorry,” he consoled, pulling her in for an embrace. She ignored the pain, her body still aching from the fall, allowing him to hold her. It was hard to talk about that day without crying, and she struggled to compose herself.

  “It’s all right. You’re alright, love,” he whispered.

  His sincerity moved her, crashing through every barrier. Somehow she knew that he would be a safe place to land, to share her grief with him, and she unleashed, allowing her tears to spill down her cheeks. She sobbed heavily in his arms for several minutes, while he rocked her silently. No words were necessary.

  “You okay?” he finally asked, wiping her damp cheeks. She nodded, forcing a smile. “No,” he chuckled, kissing her forehead, “but you will be. We both will.”

  “I am okay. I spent a lot of years believing that I was being punished for wishing my baby away. I also thought that I didn’t deserve love, that no man would ever want me,” she said, releasing her breath, “but I realize now I was wrong. We were both wrong, you and I.”

  He nodded at her, his eyes convincing her that maybe he had turned a corner too, that confession had been healing for both their souls. She leaned in and kissed him, softly on his lips. “Thank you,” she sighed, her hand cradling his cheek.

  “Thank you,” he whispered back. He looked at her, his eyes filled with a peace he’d never felt before. It was foreign to him, and he wasn’t entirely sure deserved, but he embraced it anyway. He wanted to kiss her again, more than anything, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go down that road. She looked at him the same way, her eyes expressing an intimacy that begged to be kissed, but he held himself back, afraid of where it would lead. He could so easily fall in love with her, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever be willing to share her, with anyone.

  Chapter 20

  “Where have you guys been?” Daniel bellowed out as they emerged from the jungle. He came running toward them and pulled Joss into a hug, squeezing her tightly. She winced from the pain, awkwardly wiggling out of his embrace.

  Charles close on his heels, witnessed her discomfort, and stared skeptically at Grant. “What happened?” he asked apprehensively, doing his best to keep his tone flat.

  “Nothing, Charles,” Joss said, quickly jumping to Grant’s defense. “I got hurt yesterday. I’m still in a little pain.”

  “Hurt? How?” Daniel asked, stepping back from her. He looked her up and down, as though searching for injuries.

  “I fell out of a tree. I was careless,” she downplayed. She cast a glance at Grant, hoping he would back her up. He smiled weakly at her, and shrugged.

  “Yeah, gave us a bit of a fright. It happened just before dark. We thought it best to hunker down for the night, allow Joss to feel a bit steadier on her feet. Sorry we worried ya, mates,” he offered lightly, meeting Charlie’s eyes. Charles met his gaze sternly, assessing the level of truth.

  “We were worried,” he shrugged, as though satisfied with what he saw. “We were planning a search and rescue mission if we didn’t see you by mid-afternoon.”

  “We would have been here sooner, but it took awhile to make the trek. I’m moving a little slowly,” Joss admitted, offering Charles a hug. “I’m okay, though. Honest.”

  “Are you sure?” he whispered, for her ears only. She leaned back and nodded.

  “Le
t’s get Joss off her feet,” Grant suggested, handing a heavy bag of water to Daniel.

  “Here, give me the rest,” Charles stepped in, slipping the second bag off Grant’s back.

  “We’ll have to go back tomorrow,” Grant said, relieved for the weight to be gone. “We left the rest of our provisions back there. Joss was in no condition to carry anything.”

  “Not a problem,” Daniel agreed, smiling at Joss. “We’ll take care of it. Come on, I think that Willie saved some lunch for you guys.”

  Together they strolled back to their camp, Joss focusing every effort to steady herself. She didn’t need them worrying about her any more than they had been. Although she was not a hundred percent, she felt a whole lot better than earlier that morning. She was no longer nauseous, and her headache was almost gone. She got lucky.

  She and Grant had quietly packed up soon after their soul searching exchange. They were in a much better place after purging their truth, one might even say friends. She felt drawn to him in a way she couldn’t quite articulate. The confession had energized her, like when the power comes on after a long black out, every cell anticipating the charge, heightened by the sudden, shocking transformation. It was a strangely curious sensation.

  The rest of the day was uneventful. The men insisted that she take things easy. They waited on her hand and foot, refusing to let her even lift a finger. As strange as it felt to do nothing, she had to admit it felt good to be pampered. What woman wouldn’t love being treated like a queen by five sexy, adoring men?

  They gathered after their evening meal, just relaxing and laughing around the fire, happily reunited. The men were like brothers, one minute teasing and chirping, the next minute reassuring and cheering each other on. They were quickly growing into a family. She loved listening to their chatter, each of them boasting a unique perspective on life. Joss’ love for them was blossoming too, her heart making space for each one of them, for very different reasons. She had never been in love, not really, and now she was falling for five men.

  “So what do you think, Joss?” Daniel asked, including her in the conversation. “Hmm?” she replied, shaking off her silly, romantic thoughts.

  “Do you think you’ll feel up to going? If we delay the trip another day?” he asked, not even hiding his concern. All the men looked at her, as though assessing her well being.

  “I’d like to try,” she admitted confidently. “Maybe tomorrow we can all go back to the waterfall for more water, then pick up the supplies that Grant and I left behind. Many hands make light work. We can set out on the raft the day after tomorrow.”

  “No, you’ll stay here and the rest of us will go,” Charles insisted. “You’ll need to rest so your body can heal.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she assured, appreciating his concern. She looked to Grant for support but he was clearly on Charlie’s side.

  “I think we’ll all feel a lot better if you take one more day to rest, Joss,” Grant said, drawing nods of agreement from the others.

  “And do what?” she smirked, knowing the boredom would probably kill her.

  “I don’t know, book a manicure,” Grant teased, tossing her a wink.

  “Ha ha, very funny,” she laughed.

  “I’ll stay back with you, Joss. I want to make some improvements to the raft and start loading it. You can keep me company,” Daniel suggested, “that is if the others don’t object?” He looked around, accepting the agreeable nods from the others, then allowed his eyes to land on Joss. She was smiling sweetly at him, a curious expression on her face. He quickly dropped his eyes, hoping his blush wasn’t too obvious.

  He liked Joss, very much. They had a very flirty relationship, but had never taken it beyond the teasing phase. She was unlike any woman he’d ever met, and while he found her wildly intriguing, he couldn’t seem to summon the nerve to tell her how he felt. He was so turned on by her and couldn’t stop fantasizing about her. He adored her tenacity as much as her curves. She was smart, beautiful, and adventurous. They had so much in common, the two of them, aside from the fact that she was more in her element in the jungle.

  But the island was changing him. The longer they were there the more comfortable he felt. The truth was, he didn’t mind so much that they had not been rescued. He had everything he needed right there, and none of the things he didn’t. He didn’t miss the stuffiness of home, his life scheduled for him from morning till night, everyone thinking they knew what was best for him, expecting him to meet every expectation. He was free to come and go as he pleased, work with his hands, explore his surroundings, do what made him happy.

  He’d made some true mates too, brothers for life. He loved them all and would do anything for them, and for the first time in his life he felt accepted just the way he was. They didn’t care about his privilege, where he went to school, or whether or not his family had a title. They’d not even asked.

  There was no roof over his head, and no promise of a meal every night. Funny, those were the things he used to really worry about, the worse case scenario, and yet he had no fear. He had to rely on his own wits and had no doubt that he would thrive. That was empowerment. Under the open sky he could really breathe, really suck in air, and it was glorious.

  “Sure, Danny-boy, I’ll keep you company,” Joss flirted playfully, flattered by his boyish blush. She enjoyed teasing him because it always seemed to undo him a little, make him squirm, but in the best way possible. She had a feeling that Danny wasn’t the English gentleman he presented himself to be, that underneath all that blushing, the innocent accent, and the shy demeanor, was a proper beast. He had a dirty, dry sense of humor and could entertain them for hours with his wit, but that wasn’t what intrigued Joss about him. It was the way he watched her when he thought no one was looking, like he wanted to eat her for breakfast. It made her wonder what naughty fantasies were floating around under that polished, clean haircut.

  When she first saw Daniel, she’d described him as Clark Kent, but after a month on the island with him, she was certain he was more like Superman. The man could do just about anything. The first time she saw him shirtless she nearly swallowed her own tongue. He was damn fine. Not in a gym-rat sort of way, just strong, sleek and well put together. He loved practicing yoga and it showed. But what surprised her the most were the tattoos! She never saw that coming! Danny had beautiful art on his chest and back. When she’d asked him about it he told her that nothing in his life had ever been his choice, not really, and the ink was his “fuck you” to the world.

  He was the epitome of never judge a book by its cover. She liked the way he peeled the layers back slowly, piquing her fancy. If Grant had been a diamond in the rough, then Danny was a rough in the diamond. There was way more to him than met the eye and she was excited to learn more.

  “Well it’s settled then. Daniel and Joss will stay at camp tomorrow and the rest of us will head out right after breakfast,” Charles concluded, clearing his throat. He looked at Joss and smiled, grateful she wasn’t going to be stubborn about hiking with them. As much as he appreciated her tenacity, she didn’t know when to slow down. Sometimes he was glad he wasn’t the only man stranded with her. There was no way he could ever keep up with her, his island queen. “So good night all, I’m turning in. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  Joss soon followed him, anxious to curl up beside him. There was something about Charlie spooning her, his body cloaked so perfectly behind hers, that made everything okay. She liked ending her day that way.

  Chapter 21

  “What was life back for you at home, Daniel?” Joss asked, popping a piece of banana into her mouth. They were sitting on the warm sand, just eating lunch and enjoying the ocean breeze.

  “You mean compared to here?” he chuckled. He was enjoying having Joss to himself. They’d spent the morning working on loading the raft, playfully teasing one another, sharing the light duties. Joss was moving slow but she seemed to be improving, her energy returning bit by bit.

>   “Well I don’t think it’s fair to compare it to here.”

  “Don’t you like it here, Joss?” he asked, thoughtfully searching her eyes.

  “Actually I do. Maybe that surprises you?”

  “No, not really,” he laughed. “I like it here, too.”

  “It’s weird, but now that we’ve settled in, it’s starting to feel like home,” she chuckled, hoping he didn’t think she was mad.

  “I get that. I mean, I do miss my family back home, but not my life so much. This is me, what I am meant to be. If we had the proper gear, some of life’s basic necessities, I could bloody well live here forever,” he admitted, the look on his face leaving no doubt that he meant it. “And of course some thick English stout and good fish and chips!”

  “True. I’ve been dreaming about a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs. And peanut butter!” Joss laughed, taking the water bottle he offered. She took a long sip, as though lost in thought, before continuing, “So that leads us back to my initial question. What was life like at home?”

  “It was okay. Mundane, actually,” he replied, taking his time responding. “I was a ghost in a shell, really, just going through each day without much thought. The only time I ever really came alive was when I was off doing adventurous things. I’m a bit of a wild child at heart.”

  “You Daniel? Wild?” she grinned, not surprised at all by his confession. He nodded, raising his brows, oblivious to her sarcasm.

  “Don’t underestimate me, Joss, I’m not such an innocent, at least not in my head,” he laughed. “I’ve only been playing the part of the good boy.”

  “Really,” she purred, still wondering what sexy mysteries were hiding beneath the boy next door exterior. “It does surprise me a little, Daniel. You seem so reliable, responsible... proper, you know?”